Back a few years ago I guided a course in “Telling Your Story” with a group of spiritually evolved people.
The course was based on the following principles:
§ Everything discussed was to be kept in strictest confidence.
§ Mutual respect was the basis of our interactions.
§ No judgement, assessments or biases allowed through the virtual doors.
§ We told the truth of our experiences.
As for process:
§ Each participant gave a roughly half hour narrative of their life from earliest memory to age 21 (our formative years).
§ Their audience (everyone else in the course, including me, their Guide):
o Listened to their best ability
o Annotated and fed back what they perceived of the Speaker’s message (spoken, unspoken, and anything else they could “grok”*).
§ Then the speaker would assess the feedback received from each audience member
It was fun and educational in that we all learned more about each other and ourselves, by association yet revealing an opportunity for major improvement.
My background as a classically trained musician, with exposure to electronic and world music, gave me a leg up on the art and science of listening. My corporate experience honed my listening in another way and my spiritual practices in yet another.
The listening skills and attentions are different in Solo and Ensemble settings. With Solo – the focus is on your specific acumen of technical and artistic skills with the goal of capturing the pure and elusive ability to express the Muse within. Ensemble requires us to expand our listening to others, as well as our own performing, and when present, “listening” to the conductor.
All a matter of receptiveness and responsiveness.
* “Grokked” – a term coined by Robert Heinlein in his book “Stranger in a Strange Land”, meaning a form of empathy that is so deep that it allows you to understand someone or something as if it were a part of yourself.
Well, I have to say that I was somewhat surprised to see that this skill which we all believe we have innately fell short in this group.
In particular, some listeners would forget what their designated speaker had said, soon after it was spoken. Others would miss the subtler messages lurking behind the words and, still others, didn’t seem to have the knack of articulating what they heard well enough for the Speaker to recognize what they actually said.
Out of this realization, I saw the opportunity to create what I call “Deep Listening” – a method of communicating with the ability to transform relationships.
Actually, based on the lack of good communication and listening skills education, we only have the available examples that are in front of us as our models of social interaction.
The problem is not our fault – at least directly. We are constantly exposed to models expressed by our family, friends, school, co-workers, our media and the world in general.
What happens in these public models when two people’s opinion on anything do not agree? Hmmm?
How often have you experienced that while you’re talking, your listener is thinking about what they’re going to say next?
What happens when the other’s viewpoint does not agree with ours and we want to set them straight on whose idea is better?
And yes, the Speaker also has a responsibility to listen to their Listener.
We’ve often seen the example of a Speaker talking in continuous streams of subconsciousness. So much so that the Listener has forgotten to breathe, just trying to surf the tidal wave coming towards them?
The term “communication” comes from the Latin "communicatio," which means "to impart" or "to share." In turn, the Latin word is derived from the root word "communis," which means "common" or "shared by all."
As with Co-Create, Co-mmunication (sorry for this literary dissection) is a two-way ritual of sharing.
It is not a debate, argument, or in its nth degree, war. It is a ceremony of interaction and understanding.
Is there a process model we can trust to convey the most trivial to the most essential ideas in a manner that makes the “other (listener or speaker) feel they’ve been listened to and heard?
All I can say is that after taking the Deep Listening course, participants have offered their testimonials exhibiting what they consider to be in the range of incredible breakthroughs to outright “miracles.”
The process intentionally shifts the consciousness of the participants to a higher level of awareness and consideration, evokes a deeper sense of understanding, even in the context of a contentious topic/idea, and has even helped artists move through their “blocks” and rejuvenate their creative flow. It also has dissolved feelings of stress, tension, and fear in troubled relationships. And has helped to strengthen already-strong teams in business and social organizations.
If you would like to know more about “Deep Listening”, sign up to receive notifications of the Course offering dates and times. https://journeyin2.systeme.io/697be577
At this time, I am offering a Deep Listening Course on Saturday, (11/4) at 9 am PDT, You can register by clicking on: https://journeyin2.systeme.io/cf348ad5
Warm regards,
James